"Savior/White Knight" Complex

Everyone had heard a story tale or two, where there's a white knight, a hero or a prince that comes to save the damsel in distress. A woman who has been kidnapped, betrayed or is down on her luck and a man swoops in to save her.

Early in life, we are raised on this idea. Especially woman, that someone - anyone will come to save us when we are in distress. Just like everyone else, I have also watched these fairytales.

But early in life, I realized that it wasn't realistic to be the damsel as I watched the women in my life be betrayed by the men that were supposed to protect them. Especially growing up with a younger sibling, I found myself being the White Knight rather than the damsel.

I prided myself on being able to charge forward and protect the women and men that happened to stumble into my life, whether it was by chance or proximity. I remember chivalrously saving my little sister from a crazy ex and being given the nickname "Mike Tyson Jr" by my older brother. I was wildly proud of the title I was given at the time.

Without realizing it, I began to crave that specific recognition throughout my life. I would pick my partners and friends from that perspective alone. I say that in hindsight, because hindsight is always 20/20.

The dark side to being a white knight is, once there is no one to save - you lose your job. The recognition stops and you're left feeling alone and confused, looking for an obstacle, waiting for the shoe to drop to step up.

After 29 years of being the white knight, the dark side would surprise you.

Without realizing it, I had developed a "savior complex" and it led - in some cases to unhealthy dynamics in my relationships. Over time, I would begin to only see what they needed saving from, dehumanizing them from friend/family to only a damsel who would approach me when they needed something.

My self-image had become intertwined with my role as a savior, leading to a cycle of emotional exhaustion and resentment when my efforts went unappreciated or unreciprocated.

It would result in me further overextending myself until I found myself in the worse shape I had been in, in my entire life. Being the "white knight" in a ever expanding community should have been a dream, but like I mentioned before - I had begun to dehumanize them.

They were no longer my close friends and like family. They were people who only came to me when they needed saving from someone else or even themselves. My mental health devolved the worse that it had ever in my life.

Ultimately becoming the villainous troll that I swore I was trying to save everyone else from. It took over a year and being alone to realize that I was only fulfilling my own self interest in the guise of helping and "saving" others.

It was only after I became injured and was forced out of the "White Knight" role did I realize what I had been doing all along. Now I am a recovering "White Knight".

I may write about this again, until then

Keep Breathing Life,

Sheridan